You Know That Broken Hearted Feeling

Well that is me after looking at my bracket this morning. Yuck.

I'm last in my pool. Not only is ECU the laughing stock of college basketball but my bracket is too.

Oh well!

Devastation

The next morning we were up painfully early. The appointment was actually scheduled for 8 am however I did have some stuff at work I felt like I had to take care of in the event I was out for a few days for some reason. So off we went.

We arrived at my dark and quiet office together so I could take care of my work quickly before heading to the doctors office.

Once that task was complete we grabbed a quick breakfast together.

And then we were off.

I remember sitting in the doctors office looking at the other people waiting. Why were they there? Surely it was something routine and they weren't there to find out the details of their child's condition as we were.

It was just such a bizarre feeling.

Finally, they called us back. The u/s tech spent forever doing the u/s.

To be honest, at this point I still don't think it had occurred to either of us that our child might not only have Dwarfism but that we would be told she wasn't going to live.

At the end of the u/s they took us into the genetic counselor's office.

This part is a little foggy. I can't remember exactly but I think she told us the news and then the doctor came in to answer any questions we had.

The only part of the conversation I remember really was the point when he told us this was not the walking, talking, functioning type of Dwarfism we were dealing with. At that point I said, "So this child will never come home with us". His answer was "Well, I never say never and I've seen miracles but most likely it will not."

Not long after that I think we drove home and packed our bags for the beach. We had no idea how we were going to break this news and it all felt like a really bad dream so we decided to getaway for a couple of days to digest what we had just learned.

That weekend was quite possibly the most painful part of our whole journey for me. At times I even think it was harder than when she was born and passed away.

It was physically painful. We didn't eat, sleep, or say much of anything meaningful. It was the strangest place to be emotionally.

Once we arrived back home we had to start sharing the news. It was very difficult and something I hope to never have to do again.

We are grateful that through God's grace and the passage of time along with endless support from our friends and family today is not nearly as painful as one year ago today.

It still hurts from time to time. Not a day goes by that we do not think about our daughter and everything the last year has held but together we continue moving forward with Megan Grace in our hearts.

I Can Still Picture It

At pretty much this exact time. Last year. On this exact date.

19 weeks 4 days. The Big U/S.

After it was over they had us go into the exam room to meet with the doctor. Proud unsuspecting soon to be parents we had no clue what was about to take place.

Then she said it.

:Your child appears to have shortened limbs." I looked over at Steve while still being totally clueless. He was taking his hat off and taking a deep breath.

He looked so concerned. But why?

Then it hit me. I'm still not sure if she said Dwarfism before or after I realized what was going on.

It was like everything was moving in slow motion.

According to the u/s tech, it appeared to be the functional type of Dwarfism. While we digested what had just been said she ran off to schedule us an appointment for first thing in the morning with the MFM doctors to get a closer look.

We left the office numb. I called my boss hysterical to tell him I wouldn't be in the next day because of what was going on with the baby. We didn't call family at all because we needed more information.

Once we arrived home I think I contacted a few friends who immediately sent me resources regarding Dwarfism and attempted to calm me down.

I remember taking a shower and talking to Steve through the door about all the things our child wouldn't be able to do.

We were devastated.

What we did not know was just how devastated we were about to be.....

To be continued tomorrow.

Happy Third Anniversary to Us!

Three years ago I married the love of my life :) Tonight my wonderful husband cooked me a fabulous dinner which was very yummy!

We never could have imagined where our marriage would take us in just three short years but we are still hanging on. Despite having the normal bumps along the way I am certain I could not have faced all the adversity we have faced without my husband by my side.

Here's to many more years together and lots of happy times in the future!

Love you :)