One year and 182 Posts Ago

This blog was born. How do I feel about the last year? In a word~Blessed.

Over the last year we have:

• Found out we were expecting a little girl who would be due August 2nd, 2009.
• Said goodbye to that little girl, Megan Grace, on June 29th, 2009.
• Laughed, cried, and everything in between with the outpouring of friends and family both near and far as we faced one of the most difficult trials we never dreamed we would face.

So why do I feel blessed? In short, I'm here to tell the story. It is our story and we are very proud to have walked this journey with all of you walking beside us.

Through this blog, I have "met" strangers such as this one, this one, and this one who I am now proud to call friends even if I never met them in person. They have all been a source of support in different ways throughout this journey and hopefully for years to come.

The blog has also allowed our friends and family to watch our life unfold through both joy and sadness or even a combination of both at once.

It has been a pleasure to share all of this with you. We both have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support during some of our darkest days.

I'm looking forward to the next year of blogging and what may be in store. Hopefully you will all stick around to see what the next chapter of our life holds.

Thank you!

8 Weeks in Heaven and Some Pictures

So 8 weeks have come and gone and we are still standing. The last two weeks have been difficult for me due to various factors. This past weekend just seemed to add fuel to the fire.

Over the last two weeks since I have returned to work the rollercoaster seems to have fallen into a pattern of more twist and turns than normal. Hopefully soon it will smooth out again if only for a little while.

Megan Grace's room still is not painted which means her stuff is just sitting in there waiting for me to do something with it. This weekend my goal is to paint it and put her stuff on the wall so I can look at it all whenever I feel like being near her.

Over this past weekend I stumbled upon two stories of little ones going to be with Megan Grace in Heaven and my heart just aches for those families. One of them was a triplet born just over a day before Megan Grace who has now left her siblings and family behind. So heartbreaking.

On the flip side, some neighbors of ours whom we do not actually know had their twins this weekend. As I drove by, they were putting the ribbons on the mailbox and it literally took my breath away. I'm very happy for them but for that is the problem with the rollercoaster you do not see the drops coming and they catch you off guard. The only thing you can do at that point is pick yourself up and dust yourself off so you can continue moving forward.

On a happier note, one of Steve's aunts and uncles stopped by last night totally randomly and it was so great to see them! We talked about a variety of topics including Megan Grace. They even made the mistake of asking to see pictures of MG so off I went to grab her scrapbooks along with many of the other things that have been done for her. It was very refreshing to have a surprise visit from such wonderful people!

(Sidenote: Ignore the photo album with no picture in the front. It's on my eternally long "to do" list)

On another happier note. The flowers above were sent by my friend Stacy who lost her dear son Isaac last year. This past weekend they held a golf tournament in his honor and raised $6,000 for the Perinatal Loss Unit at the hospital where she delivered. What a wonderful outcome in honor of such a sweet little boy!

This post is not to say there have not been bright spots over the last two weeks because there definitely have been such as our day on the lake with friends a couple of weeks ago.

There will be bright spots in the future too especially since football season begins in less than two weeks. Go Pirates! We are looking forward to it even though it will also be bittersweet. I was so looking forward to taking my very tiny baby to the football games this year despite the naysayers who tried to tell me it wouldn't happen. We love ECU and football and we were going to make sure our child did too as soon as they arrived in this world.

There are races in my future too. Through them all I will carry Megan Grace with me because it was through her life that I learned just how strong I really am both physically and mentally. For that I am grateful.

As this post comes to a close I hope you have all enjoyed your walk through Megan's Garden :)

These are all images of some of the flowers we received from friends and family in the days following her birth. Many of them are still alive and I'm trying my best to keep them that way. The flowers that would have died we tried to preserve with the help of Steve's sister in law.

She made this wonderful idea come to life and once they were dry she helped me arrange them into smaller bouquets to display throughout my house as small reminders of Megan Grace.

Thank you so much for reading if you have made it this far. If not, I hope you at least enjoyed the pictures of the beautiful plants and flowers we received in memory of Megan Grace.



Have a great week!

C25K Week 1 Days 2 and 3

Day 2:

35 Minutes~320 Calories~2.3 Miles

Day 3:

33 Minutes~315 Calories~2.1 Miles

The first week is behind me now and I'm pretty confident with my results so far. It has been hard work but I challenge myself while I'm doing it. Sometimes I would run 4 minutes straight instead of the 1 minute required. Also, I would run at a higher speed or incline at times to make it more difficult.

On to Week 2 starting tomorrow!

$54,451.95

This is how much my care along with Megan Grace's cost from start to finish. The last claims were processed through insurance this week.

Out of that the insurance company paid out $16,049.82 and we paid out 4k. The rest was written off by the hospital and our various doctors.

Now, that is a chunk of change that makes me ever so grateful to have insurance.

Couch to 5K Week 1 Day 1

As the saying goes you have to start somewhere so this is the beginning for me. My first few attempts at getting back into running without any sort of plan left much to be desired so I decided to start at square one and work my way back up.

My main reason for this is in addition to the 8k I posted about training to run earlier I've now added two more races to the list of possibilities. One of them is being run to raise money for Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. One of our JL members has a son that has been diagnosed with this fatal genetic disorder and they are trying to raise money to find a cure in hopes that no other children ever have to suffer. The other I'm going to run with a friend.

I'm also going to order this book so that Steve and I can improve our diets to support our fitness goals.

All in all, I'm very optimistic and excited about getting back in shape and losing this weight. My first night of C25K was difficult at first but it ended up being very rewarding.

Stats:

Calories Burned: 301
Total Time: 35 Minutes
Distance: 2 Miles

I'm looking forward to Day 2!

Fun at the Lake!

Over the weekend, some good friends of ours had invited us out on their boat to spend some time on one of the local lakes. It was a fabulous day all around!

All in all, I just want to brag a little because I was so proud of myself. While I was not brave enough to try wakeboarding (just yet) due to the fact that I have almost zero stomach muscles to speak of. I did brave the kneeboard and I did a decent job considering. There are pictures but they are not on my camera so maybe I will post them later. Maybe I'll even post a picture of the super hot old man I made friends with :)

For now I leave you with these:

Steve showing of his rockstar kneeboarding skills


Ashlee on the wakeboard. For some reason I have no pictures of her many tricks.

Steve again with his rockstar wakeboarding skills this time :)

Ok, so maybe he was not so great at kneeboarding or wakeboarding yesterday but he did catch the only fish that was caught all day.

Chad trying to figure out why the fish aren't biting

I'm Committed (I think?)

Or maybe I should be committed?

Since having Megan Grace I have been deliberating on how to get this weight off and looking for another race to run. Not because it will make me lose weight because it won't. Been there and tried that and guess what? I gained weight. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

At least, with a better diet this time around maybe just maybe I will lose weight this time. If not, I'll feel better about myself.

When I checked my mail on Saturday, I had a postcard telling me about this race. It is far enough out I can train for it starting now and it is on a weekend when it will not interfere with ECU football. Yay!

I want to do it and I know I can do it. My problem is I am not able to train for it 100% by myself. For some reason the long runs (say over 6 miles) I just do not like doing by myself.

Sooo, if you are reading this and are local I'd love to tag along on your long runs over the next few weeks and months. Just leave me a comment, drop me an email, or shoot me a message on Facebook :)

Summer Fun!

Do you remember this post? If not, then give it a read because this is the update to that post.

As many of you said in the comments, that although losing Megan Grace would be hard and we would have good times and bad times it would all work out. To that I want to say you have been correct so far.

There are some really bad moments such as one day this week when I had a complete meltdown upon realization that we will not be dressing Megan Grace up for Halloween. Apparently, the fact that she has earned her Angel wings just was not enough for me that day and well I lost it.

Aside from times like those when the pain of losing Megan Grace becomes unbearable we have some really good times such as last weekend when I was able to lay by the pool all day with some beverages, two of my sister in laws, and three of my nephews. It was a wonderfully relaxing and fun filled day.

We have also been to the beach and I've visited some wineries. All in all, I do feel there has been a balance. Not a day goes by where Miss Megan Grace is not thought about but we know she is watching over us from above.

A Llama?

Yep! While I was on maternity leave some of my favorite ladies invited me to go winery hopping with them in the Yadkin Valley. It was a great day!

This was taken one of the SIX wineries we visited in one day.

Thanks ladies!

The Forest

I have to write this in hopes that it will help settle my thoughts for a bit.

Right now and for the last few weeks when I think about the future of our family I feel like I am standing in the forest unsure which way to go.

There are three paths we could go down and all of them have pros and cons along the way. The problem is we do not know which one we want to go down. This is not something we have to figure out now or that we even want to figure out now. It is the uncertainty that is weighing on me.

The truth is we have no control over which path we will go down and in time He will reveal that to us. In the meantime, being patient and trusting our Faith is proving to be a very difficult task.

So, I just pray for for patience over the next few months as we explore the different paths we could take. For now, we just need to trust Him and enjoy this time together while accomplishing some other goals along the way.

Everything will work out in due time.

Amen.

Answers to your Questions

Wonderful questions ladies! Now it is my turn to come up with wonderful answers :)

1) What do I feel I gain from being a member of Junior League?

The answer to this question continues to grow as each year goes by. When I first joined it was to meet other local women and do some professional networking.

Since then it has blossomed into much more than I expected from those two goals along with motivation to challenge my exercise goals, giving back to the community, and continuing to better my skills all around through my different roles in the league.

For example, during my first year I joined a running group through the JLG and we set out to run a half marathon and we did! To this day that is one of my life's greatest accomplishments. Maybe one day I'll do another.....

Also, since joining the league I have faced some difficult times in my life. These ladies are always standing there waiting to scoop me up off the floor when I can't do it myself. It is a firm belief of mine that I'm a better person even in my marriage because I surround myself with such great women to share both the best and worst of what life throws at me.

2) Where did I grow up?

Jacksonville, FL is the short answer. Actually, I was born in California. Lived in Maryland for a minute before moving with my family to Florida.

Once my dad retired from the Navy in 1997 or 1998 we moved to North Carolina where I attended high school and college. After college, I returned back to the area and bought my own home after getting my first job.

3) Where did I meet my husband?

We both used to work for a company associated with Nascar. As it turns out, my whole family knew him before I did but they did not introduce us to each other. It was years later, after my family had exited that business for retirement that we ended up working for the same company. After that, as they say the rest is history :)

4) What was my major at ECU?

Actually, it was Communication with a concentration in PR as well as a minor in Biology.

The story behind the Biology minor is that I started my college career at UNCW before transferring to ECU with the excuse of "I want to be a doctor".

That all crumbled down around me about the third time I could not pass Chemistry. To this day, I have a fascination with medicine and have not ruled out pursuing something in the field at some point in my life.

Likely, it would not actually be an MD but maybe something along the lines of a Genetic Counselor.

5) How did my work respond to our loss of Megan Grace?

For the most part, they have been excellent.

Early on in my pregnancy until after we found out I really did not share with anyone at work I was pregnant due to both my history and the fact that I just could not shake the feeling that something was not right.
During this time there were a few people who knew because of obligation. One of these individuals could not stop prying. In the end, when I revealed the news of both my pregnancy and Megan Grace's condition at the same time it seemed to put an end to any prying to this very day. Thank goodness.

The rest of my office has been fabulous. Tons of cards, gifts, emails, and they even sent flowers and brought food. Wonderful!

5) What is our favorite place to vacation and what special memories does it hold for us?

We are split 50/50 on this question. His favorite place is Jackson Hole, Wyoming while mine is St. John, USVI. He likes cold, I like hot.

The truth is we both LOVE both of these places and they both hold a special place in our hearts. They are both beautiful in their own way and basically untouched in many places by human hands. It is amazing to think that God created such beautiful scenery.

St. John is special because we got married with many of our closest friends and family on St. Thomas and spent some time on St. John with them all. It was probably the only time we will have that many people so close to us on vacation together at the same time. I'd do it all over again in a minute.

And for reading through this long post you get pictures :)

Check out the scenery in the background. Simply beautiful!

The boys

The girls

A Bison in Jackson Hole. This was taken as we were snowmobiling through Yellowstone.

A Moose in the neighborhood where we always rent a condo.

The beautiful couple.

A waterfall inside Yellowstone.

Lots of Things

There are lots of thoughts swirling around in my head but since none of them are really lending themselves to a well thought out blog post I'll do bullet points for now:

• I'm back at work as of this past Friday. So far, so good. It is good to have a job to come back to with so many others out of work. For this I am thankful!
• This past weekend I hung out at the pool with some family and had a great time! Pictures to come :)
• Yesterday I shopped for clothes and ended up in tears. There are 20 pounds still attached to me that do not appear to be going away in the near future :(
• Football season is just around the corner. Go Pirates!
• The new Junior League year is also upon us. My placement this year is very exciting. More about that to come also :)

Soon I will be back to my regularly scheduled blogging as my life returns to "normal". Writing is something I love to do I just have not had the time to sit down and put thoughts together. In the meantime, if you are reading my blog let's play a game my friend Stacy recently played.

Leave a comment telling me:

1) How you found my blog?

2) A question you have for me.

3) Your favorite nutritious recipe or weight loss secret

In a few days I will answer the questions you have asked :) How's that for fun since my blog has been rather lame lately?

Due Date

Today is the day Megan Grace was supposed to make her grand appearance. Instead, tomorrow marks five weeks since we held her here on Earth.

It is odd to think that I could still be carrying her. Time also seems to feel different for us. Each week we have said that all of this seems like it happened a really long time ago.

No matter what we both know she is healthy and whole in Heaven and watching over us each day. Normally, I'm not one to walk around looking for "signs" from her but while we were at the beach we got one we could not ignore.

The two of us had waded out into the surf about knee deep because that was about as far as I could go at that point after my c section when we both spotted something in the water. My first thought was that it was money and I'm not sure what Steve thought it was but he waded over and picked it up.

It was a bookmark and on the side that was floating face up it said:

"Make yourself familiar with angels, and behold them frequently in spirit;
for without being seen, they are present with you." ~St. Francis de Sales

It was comforting because I had been having issues reconciling Megan Grace present here with us versus Megan Grace present with us for the rest of our lives just in spirit instead of body. I'm comforted now knowing she is a beautiful little angel on that special day at the beach she just wanted to say hello :)


We love you Megan Grace!