This is something I've been thinking about over the last few weeks but I'm still not sure I can put it into words. I'm going to try though because it has been hanging around waiting to be written.
While there is no part of me that is glad we are going through this difficult situation we are currently facing I'm not eternally sad either.
Through this experience I've already learned so much about myself, life, etc. that I never imagined learning. It's like a whole new world.
As I've mentioned before I had been following a few blogs but one in particular about a woman who did exactly as I'm doing right now and carried her little boy Isaac to term knowing he likely would not survive. As I read through her blog every so often I did so with amazement at her strength and grace.
Now as I literally walk in her shoes I still marvel at her strength and grace however I also see the hope with which she views the future. It's this wonderful feeling of hope even when you are in the pit of doom that makes you smile each day.
All of this brings me to another point. I've learned a lot about other people in my life since this happened. We haven't even gotten to the difficult parts yet if the doctors are correct and I can already see who I want to keep in "my circle" and who will be "cast off the island" so to speak.
One portion of this pie was already addressed in another post about how wonderful it makes me feel when people can act normal around me. This is a life changing event the last thing I need those I care about to do is turn into "strangers".
More important than this though is I really only see myself being supported by those who can be strong and hopeful no matter what the outcome of the situation. Yes, I will have bad days but even on those days I want to be supported by those who want to help pull me out of "the black hole" and into the light of the future.
It will not help me to surround myself by those filled with sorrow examining how "bad" the situation is in their eyes because truthfully this benefits only those around us who want to focus on the negative.
Anyway, I'm not sure where I was going with this but I guess the point was more to say I'm going to let myself be sad for some period of time but after that I'm going to start picking up the pieces and setting sail for the future. I'm thrilled for those that join me but won't be looking back for those left behind still reveling in "how sad" our situation is because that is not how I want to live the rest of my life.
Jalapeño peanut butter quesadilla
2 weeks ago
5 comments:
Hey Amber, I was going to send this to Steve to give you but I am pretty sure that he would never get around to it! And since you posted about reading someone's blog I thought this was the perfect time to send it.
Angie is amazing. They lost their little girl Audrey Caroline shortly after she was born. They knew she had conditions that incompatible with life but they are deeply religious people who were guided by their faith. Her husband is one of the members of the Christian music group Selah. Her religion is obvious in every post and to some may seem like too much but I think it is what you get from her.
So if you felt led to visit here is her link:
http://www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
I know you guys will come out of this with a stronger bond with each other. I told Steve I was really at a loss as to what to say; I don't want to seem insensitive or appear in the least that I know what you are feeling but I think about you guys daily and I am praying that Good Friday is just that for you guys, a day fill with good news.
I found you from Stacy's blog about Isaac. I admire your courage and strength, Miche. You have exhibited grace in the face of trial, with much courage. I was never called to deal with what you, Stacy and so many others have been dealt, and my admiration of you all is immense, for I don't know how well I would have handled it.
I follow your blog, Stacy's blog and others like them. I call them my inspiration blogs. You give me courage and motivation to stay strong in the face of adversity and trust my God to see me through it all.
Thanks for sharing your story and little Megan Grace with me. I pray that all will turn out well for you and your family.
So glad that Melinda recommended Angie's blog to you... it is incredible.
I received an e-mail from a guy who read my blog that wanted you to have some information... I will send it to you in a minute.
Still praying for you guys a ton...
~ Stacy
Melinda,
Thanks for sharing that blog and for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We really do need them and appreciate each one of them.
Several people have sent me that blog but it wasn't until you sent it just now that I found the post where she mentions Stacy and Isaac.
It looks like they had talked when Stacy was going through this and Stacy was the woman I was talking about in my post.
We have actually spoken quite a few times and you may have found her blog along the way.
If not, it's here
http://sgirl79.blogspot.com/
She has been a great inspiration to me so far and I'm sure she will continue to be.
It's a difficult journey carrying a child who will not survive but the reward is so great. I wouldn't trade my journey with Carleigh for anything in the world. She is a blessing straight from God. I wish you the best on your journey with Megan Grace. I hope that you will be able to get some time with your precious daughter.
Post a Comment