The truth is I'm not sure what I want you to say. If you would have asked me before this happened I would have guessed "I'm sorry" would have fit most situations. In all actuality, it may be that it still does but it may be how it is said more than that actual saying itself.
What I guess I'm really trying to say is it hurts us to "see" pity in others as they process our situation. When you look at me, the way you sound when you talk to me, or even using words that illustrate you feel pity for us. It just does not help things as far as we are concerned.
For example, someone once said to me "I'm sooo sorry. That is so horrible". The thing is we already know it is "horrible" however we made a choice to continue on this road and focusing on how "horrible" it is not an option on a daily basis for us. Sure it creeps in every now and then and we have our moments but we do not focus on the negative aspects of the situation so it helps when those around us follow our lead.
For a few days I went back and forth as to how to post my thoughts on this. At one point I even debated if I should do it because maybe they were not even rational. This morning, I was reading a chapter from, Choosing Naia, which is a story about a family who faced a very similar situation and they actually said this exact same thing in the book so then I felt justified in my feelings because others who have been here know how it feels.
Couples in this situation do not want to feel like you feel bad for them. It makes them feel inadequate maybe or as if you are superior because you are not in the situation. The exact description of what I'm looking for has escaped me for the moment but basically from my perspective it is not a positive response in helping an individual, couple, family, etc. cope with something like this.
Sure it is not ideal but I'm pretty sure that I know not one single person who has a life where everything is ideal. Things go wrong or not according to plan and at least in my opinion that last thing someone wants to hear when they are being strong and positive is that you have pity for them in some way.
Jalapeño peanut butter quesadilla
2 weeks ago
4 comments:
Adding you to my blog to remind people to love more in this life...
Is it ok to say (having never met you) that I love you and am so very proud of you? Because I do and I am.
You know what Amber ..it is not "horrible", although it is not an ideal situation it is a loving situation. Life is tough and things happen to all of us no matter how big or small. I consider this a blessing no matter how others may view it. GOD gives us gifts and he will place people and situations in our lives because he feels we are the best person(s) suited for the outcome. You and Steve are strong people and no matter how you feel this definitely is not terrible or horrible. I view it as challenging and you two are just the people for the job.
It's like I was reading your mind when I wrote my last post.
I think part of the problem is that people try to put themselves in your place and that is what their reaction would be if it was happening to them. It almost makes you feel sorry for them for not understanding better.
You too are in my thoughts and prayers and thank you for your comments.
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