Stepping Out

Not stepping out as in out of the blogosphere but stepping out of my comfort zone. The "firsts" in our lives are sometimes hard. In my case, the majority of the time my worry over them is almost always worse than the actual task itself once it is done.

LAMG (Life After Megan Grace) has been no different. I've tackled the return to work, JL, ECU football, and basically life in general. It really has not been overly difficult and I'm glad to have just faced everything head on instead of letting it sit there while I worried about it. In the long run, it has just been easier to go ahead and get it over with instead of letting it loom.

Each of these tasks has come with an emotional piece of the puzzle no doubt. Last weekend as I stood among 43k other screaming fans at the football game I'd catch myself crying. Not bawling just teary about the fact that our daughter was not physically there. It was hard. I've made no secret about that to anyone who has asked about our trip to the game (and even a few who didn't ask).

What was harder were the voices in my head who recounted for me the conversations where people doubted my seriousness when I shared that although my due date was August 2nd and the first game was September 5th I fully intended on taking MG to the game. I love football especially ECU football. I'd dreamed of taking MG with us to games no matter how young she was. I wanted to share my love for ECU and football with her. Sadly, I never got that chance once she was born.

Those people who doubted me will always haunt me. Still I attended the game, cheered ECU to a win (barely), and plan to do it again each weekend this year. In the future, I hope to share that with any other children we may have. I'm pretty sure no one will doubt me next time.

Of all of the "firsts" since MG left us here on Earth this one was the hardest to tackle. My love for our daughter along with my passion for football made for an emotional day but I did it and for that I am proud.