This morning I am having one of "those days". Anyone else who has been here knows exactly the type of day I'm referencing.
The ones where the tears continually lurk just below the surface. Sometimes they continue flowing like a faucet that can't be turned off. The tears that make it very difficult to be at work while trying to keep up your game face.
Today is also my birthday. A day I usually celebrate for an entire month. Birthdays have always been a big deal in my family. This is the first time I have ever wanted to crawl under a rock and wait for the day to be over.
As soon as I got up the tears did too. They just kept coming. It hit me like a ton of bricks that Megan Grace is not here with us physically to celebrate nor will she ever be. That is a tough pill to swallow my friends.
Luckily, a good friend of mine had the foresight to invite me to breakfast. She did it just to be a good friend without having any knowledge how of today it would be difficult for me to simply get out of bed.
My gratitude runs deep for that gesture because it truly helped me have something to look forward to this morning instead of just missing Megan Grace.
Megan Grace seems to have had her own birthday surprise in store for me this morning. As I walked out to my car and opened the door I looked up over the trees towards the horizon. In that same moment I saw a shooting star just as it dropped below the tree line. It melted my heart while at the same time turning the faucet of tears on full blast. Before I left I ran back in the house to tell Steve and all he said was Happy Birthday. With that I took my tears and left for breakfast.
Garlic herb salmon
1 week ago
10 comments:
Happy Birthday! I am praying that your day is as happy as can be...while I have never been in your place, I can imagine how hard this must be for you.
Praying for you, my friend. I'm sorry you have to grieve today.
Amber, my heart is breaking for you. I can not imagine what you are going through, but I pray that God puts a peace on your heart and helps you through this time. I will be thinking about you all day. Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday! I am so sorry that you are dealing with so much sadness on what is supposed to be a day of celebration. I have OI Type I and have been very touched by your story. Thinking of you.
This time you took the words out of my mouth.
It's been one of those cry-your-eyes-out kind of days for me as well.
I usually celebrate a whole month too and I ended up on the sofa for half of my month.
I hope you have as good a day as you can. I'll be thinking of you.
Thinking of an praying for you and Steve, have a blessed day and know that Megan is smiling down on you today, and giving you birthday kisses always.
Happy birthday dear. I hope that you can somehow find a way to get out of the funk. I know I am having that kind of week. You are in my prayers.
Happy Birthday - the book we were talking about earlier - Nana Upstairs, Nana Downstairs by Tomie dePaola -- here is a summary I found online that I think describes what you saw today:
Summary
A young boy loves his Sunday routine which means going to visit his Great Grandma, "Nana Upstairs" and his Grandma "Nana Downstairs". His great grandmother is 94 so she stays in her bed and he visits with her and they talk and eat candy, his grandmother stays downstairs and cooks until its nap time after which she combs out Nana Upstairs' hair. The little boy looks forward to these visits until one day he learns that Nana Upstairs has died. He doesn't understand what that means but he is told that means he won't be able to see her again. That day they go over to his grandmother's house even though its not Sunday and he sees the empty bed upstairs. One night when he can't sleep he sees a shooting star and his mother tells him it's a kiss from Nana Upstairs.
Enjoy your kiss from Megan Grace on your birthday. We love you!!!
Happy Birthday! I know how you feel. I wish I didn't, but I do. Jeremy and I are not looking forward to holidays or our birthdays. Because another day without Ayden, especially those days are days we don't look forward to. I hope you were able to at least enjoy a little of your day. I've been having one of those days today, too. My heart is breaking right along with yours. I wish I could provide you with uplifting words and words of hope, but as you said in the comment you made on my blog...it comes in waves, and some days..the waves just crash into you. Hang in there...I'm right here with you.
I love this. When we were in the hospital our first son said the word "star" for the first time and hasn't stopped noticing them since. I really do think they are part of our connection to Oliver.
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